i'm sitting on the bed in our hotel room...seaside heights, new jersey...mom pops out of the bathroom and immediately offers the following sagely advice to my notoriously constipated little cousin.

"If you're having trouble pooping, just think of something funny...like our cat Leo."

hrm

my issue with whales

i was talking to an imaginary person inside my head today. this person was a huge whale fanatic.

me: "I could never be fanatic for whales."

her: "Why not?"

me: "Because they live in the ocean."

her: "So!"

me: "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SCARY THE OCEAN IS?"

it's an entirely logical argument. loads of people think sea creatures such as dolphins, whales, and starfish are cute, but i guarantee you that if you spent a single day with any of these specimens in their natural habitat, you would be grossed out of your gourd.

and besides that, you would drown...

so just get the f*** over whales.

Tentative Titles

Somewhere Blue Monday, Au Revoir Everybody's Crush on Blue Supernova Tuesday or Tuesday Supernova Shingo, Au Revoir

"These are...

...mediocre times, Mrs. Dunn. People are starting to lose hope. It's hard for many people to believe there are extraordinary things inside themselves as well as others. I hope that you can keep an open mind." -Elija Price (Samuel Jackson), Unbreakable

Ten Great Original Screenplays

As according to a boy who doesn't typically watch pictures that precede the advent of color, and who has still yet to have seen many acclaimed contemporary films including Chinatown, Annie Hall, Taxi Driver, Memento, Terms of Endearment, et al. All of the following screenplays were original works, not adapted from a previously published body. Rushmore - Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson Harold and Maude - Colin Higgins Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Charlie Kaufmann Raising Arizona - Ethan Cohen and Joel Cohen Do the Right Thing - Spike Lee The Royal Tennenbaums - Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson Apocalypse Now - John Milius and Francis Ford Coppola American Beauty - Alan Ball Groundhog Day - Danny Rubin and Harold Ramis Pulp Fiction - Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avery

Alabaster of the Sea?

I dreamt again about alabaster. This time some random girl on a bus was explaining to me what it was, like its chemical properties and the fact that it was very malleable. Naturally when I woke up I decided to wikipedia alabaster and found that it does have some religious significance and that it is in fact easily carved. What its significance was in my dreams, I can't say.

The Blue of Wabi Sabi

and its crush on melancholy.

Indolence and ambition: one is a discernible devil, and though the other an angel, together they make a superior hell.

If sloth has you, man, pray to be relieved from the torture of bold dreams.