The Original Epiphany

Mediocrity is the plight of the weak-willed's resignation. Greatness is the quality of the hero's. And the distinction between the two is like that between the valience of lending one's body to the winds versus the cowardliness of submitting oneself to the serenity of quicksand. In other words, there are two types of "letting go"; one is active, the other passive.

The initial revelation was a sense of greatness, the affirmation that I could be so. And though there was little rational comprehension of how I could practically achieve such a quality, still, the feeling of what greatness meant for me, and the confidence that this kind of life was somehow fated, was solid enough to add an entirely new and wonderful dimension to my perspective. And thus, the stars in my eyes were born and I became what I had never been before, "wonder-filled."

But then I lost it, that distinct feeling of hope, over the debacle of a three-year course. I'm fighting, now, not to strengthen it--as was my initial effort--or to even keep it alive--as had been my efforts subsequent to early failures--but to rediscover that original epiphany from which I had been born, and through which the "actual world" had been revealed to me.

And what is the actual world? I have not yet found its words, though there have been many signs, pointing me closer to its refuge every day. And still I fall almost every day. And if my course were a sequence of numbers it might look like: 0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0....

So how high of a number do you think is heaven's?